Moving Forward Into 2019

Someone said to me recently, or maybe I read it somewhere, that “to those who count themselves blessed, more blessings will come.” When I look back on 2018, I would name that statement as the truth which defined my days. 2018 has not been without its own share of  sadnesses. Yet, when I review the year, it is in fact the blessings that stand out.

Better to Have Loved and Lost

At that time and even right now I wonder, was it worth it? Was it truly better to have passionately loved Eric and to have felt the tearing anguish of his absence than to never have loved him at all? Most of the time my answer to those questions is a resounding “YES.” Other times, when breathing becomes like rocket science and surviving is my only goal… I wonder if love is worth the pain of loss.

The Loss of a Dog

The loss of a beloved pet is one of the hardest things I have ever experienced. It is the loss of one who loved unconditionally and was there when it seemed like no one else was. It is the loss of a helper, a tender teacher, a faithful listener, a friend. It’s the changing of lovely memories into sad remembrances because of obvious absence. It’s the creation of sacred moments that once seemed inconsequential. Today, I remember my grief for Teddy less frequently than I once did, and the reality of his absence affects the tone of my day much more subtly than it did when the cut was fresh. Yet, the unique type of grief I experienced when my Teddy left this world is not something I expect to ever forget.