The first secondary losses following any primary loss, are the ones relating to lifestyle and everyday realities. These losses concern routines, location, occupation, social interactions, daily items... and the list goes on.
When a loved one dies, you experience the primary loss of that person and all he or she meant to you. Secondary losses are the rest of the weight of a life without that person in your life. They are the rest of the equation - the things that you no longer have because the person with whom they were associated is gone. Secondary losses are not secondary because they are less significant, but rather because they are a result of the primary loss.
I’ve heard it said that every person is either going into a storm, in the middle of one, or on their way out of one. Grief is one of those storms. It crashes into our lives after the loss of beloved people or things, and it doesn’t behave in any clearly understandable way. Just as every person is different, everyone experiences grief uniquely. Because of that, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all rule book. Here are some things I’ve been learning through my own tumultuous journey with loss and grief.
The last two months were excellent examples to me that too much of a good thing can be harmful. February could be described as excess, while March was clearly stress. Here’s to proceeding into April with grace and balance.
In a month that seemed especially dark and icy, it's was wonderful to be able to hold a brand new baby. In both my heart and my arms I felt light, joy, hope and peace from God.
In February 2016, the lives of Lindsey Atkins and Lizzie Lindberg went through epic changes that culminated to a profound juxtaposition on Saturday, February 20th. These circumstances compelled us to write our stories together.